To Change a Light bulb . . .

Guess how many light bulbs there are in my 3 bedroom apartment?

Answer: 69 . . . yes really 69. I just walked around and counted all of them. There might be more but I couldn't see inside one of the chandeliers. Modern Chinese apartments seem to be obsessed with extravagant lighting and bizarre ultra-modern light fixtures (which does not, however, always equal an adequate level of brightness). Around the perimeter of my living room there are 12 florescent bulbs that are alternately pink, green, and blue. We turn the "party lights" on for special occasions. We have a gaudy, unnecessary "flower bouquet" light fixture in the middle of the wall above the TV.

So, how many people does it take to change a light bulb in my apartment?

Answer: 5 - Katie, me, Jian (our "boss" who calls "the madam"), The Madam (our landlady/maintenance supervisor), and Ladder Man.

I feel rather ridiculous not changing my own light bulbs, like I should be the punchline to a "how many people to change a light bulb" joke. But, I don't own a ladder and really don't want to buy one, carry it home from the store, and have to store it. Without a ladder you can't reach the lights. So, when enough light bulbs burn out and Katie and I are fed up with the dimness, we call Ladder Man and The Madam.

Usually changing light bulbs corresponds with other maintenance requisitions, as was the case yesterday. There are several different possible outcomes when we call with a maintenance request.
1. The madam comes but we're not home so she and the repair man leave.
2. The appropriate/approved maintenance man is mysteriously in another city so we get told he will come "later."
3. A maintenance man comes, tinkers around with the broken appliance, makes a mess, announces it to be broken, and leaves.
4. A maintenance man comes, can't understand our broken Chinese, makes a mess, doesn't believe us that the appliance in question really is broken, announces it to be "mei wen ti" (no problem) and leaves.
5. A sympathetic maintenance man comes, patiently works with us and our not-always-adequate Chinese, sticks with the job until the problem is solved, and makes everyone happy by solving the problem in one trip instead of ten.

Thankfully yesterday it was the last outcome. One repair man (different than ladder/light bulb man) fixed our washing machine, water dispenser, and heater. A few things I've discovered.

-Explaining mechanical problems in a second language is practically impossible. I can't explain mechanical problems in English, let alone Chinese. I feel bad when the repair man has to listen to me babble about the washing machine in 5-year-old level Chinese.
-don't forget to clean the filters on your heaters periodically.
-6 coins stuck in your washing machine causes problems (i.e. turns it into a wailing banshee)
-light bulbs in China burn out fast
-repair men inevitably make a mess in your house
-Katie and I might not know how to repair appliances, but we do know when they're broken, even when the repair men don't believe us.
-I can't spell the word "maintenance."