Harmonized Blog

I just discovered today that blogspot blogs have been blocked by the Great Firewall of China . . .

The big political campaign/buzzword in China during Hu Jin Tao's administration has been the promotion of a "harmonious society." I hear and see that phrase everywhere in China--on the news, on billboards and banners, in my students speeches. I hear that phrase so much it makes me cringe (or roll my eyes, depending on the context). Now when things get censored on the Internet, Chinese netizens say the webpage has been "harmonized." Youtube has been harmonized for several weeks now, the BBC is always harmonized, and I guess blogs are the next harmonizing stop for the Chinese censors. The reason--a rather sensitive anniversary coming up on the 4th of next month. I can't even begin to express how frustrating I feel when I become a direct "victim" of Chinese Big Brother!! Anyways, I can still sort-of access my blog if I use a proxy server; however, it's so slow that it's almost not worth it. So blog posts from me might be few and far between in the coming weeks. Or maybe blogspot will be accessible again tomorrow, who knows.

Mark Twain on Spelling

This doesn't really have anything to do with China, but since I'm still reeling from all those writing assignments I've been grading, a funny look at the English language was a nice diversion. I came across this tongue-in-cheek idea from Mark Twain while looking online for some ideas for my writing class. I've always liked Mark Twain quotes--he was amazingly humorous and witty. Spelling was always my worst subject, and still today I freely admit I'm a bad speller (spell check only making my problem worse). If his idea had been put into practice, maybe I'd be a better speller today.

A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
by Mark Twain

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

Bless Their Hearts

I've spent a lot of time grading the past few weeks. I gave all my students written mid-term exams and my freshmen students had oral exams. The big project though has been grading nearly 70 portfolios from my writing class. It's slow going because there are lots of mistakes (that might be an understatement). These students just really need help with their writing, so I want to make sure I thoroughly correct all of their papers so that they learn from their mistakes.

Anyways . . . I know it's probably in violation of some kind of Teachers' Code to laugh at or take pleasure in students' mistakes, but I either need to get a little bit of enjoyment out of this endless task or else I'll go completely nuts. So I thought I'd blog a few of the funnier things my students came up with. Bless their hearts . . . they're trying, but sometimes it just comes out funny.

In a cover letter . . . "I would like to introduce myself as a qualified applicant for the poison you are offering."

On a resume, one girl said she had a lot of "piratical" experience. I was unaware I had a former pirate in my class.

In an essay about making smoking in schools illegal . . . "Smoking should not be allowed in schools because the students ate teenagers."

In a cover letter . . . "I'm a bachelor." (He was trying to say he is pursuing a bachelor's degree. I'm sure the student has no idea that his sentence had a totally different meaning.)

On my freshman exam one question was "How can you finish a telephone conversation in English?" (Chinese people tend to be quite abrupt on the phone which is acceptable in Chinese but not so much in English) Here are a few of the answer I got--
"I'd like you to go."
"I'm glad to talk about you."
"This is all the information, thanks for listening."

On the same exam I had a section where the students had to fill in the blanks with the correct vocabulary words from their dialogues. When they chose a wrong word, it was rather humorous.
"What kind of institute do you want on your salad?"
"What kind of stink do you want on your salad?"
"Please fill out this stink form first."

I still have quite a few (more than I want to admit or think about) portfolios left to grade, so if other entertaining student quotes come up, I'll update this list.

Contradiction

Long ago, in ancient China (so I'm told), there was a man who had a weapons shop, probably located on Weapons Street, where he sold such useful things as knives, swords, spears, shields, helmets, soft drinks, Wrigley's gum, and packaged chicken's feet. This weapons seller claimed that his spears were the sharpest spears in the world and that his spears could pierce through any armor. I'm sure he even offered a discount to the local warlord if he bought his spears in bulk--cheap-ah, cheap-ah for you friend-ah! At the same time, this black smith/weaponeer/arms dealer (what do you call a person who makes/sells weapons? Dad, help me out!) also claimed that his shield was the best in all of China . . . no! . . . in all of the world! . . . and that absolutely nothing could pierce his shield. But wait there's more! . . . if you buy one impenetrable shield and one ultra-sharp spear within the next 30 seconds, you'll receive not one, but two!, retro Roman-style broom-top helmets absolutely free (doubles as a Dustbuster during peacetime)!!! So, after listening to this arms seller's sales pitch one-too-many times, some clever customer asked the man what would happen if he used the able-to-pierce-anything spear against the impenetrable shield. The shop seller realized he was in a bit of a conundrum. If he said his spear was strong enough to pierce the shield, he would be admitting that his shield was not-so-impenetrable. If he said that the shield could stand up to a stab from the spear, then obviously he was admitting that the spear wasn't quite as sharp as he was advertising. I guess false advertising has had a long history here in China . . .

And so today, the Chinese word "contradiction" is made up of two characters. The first one is 矛 (máo) which is the word for "spear." And the second character 盾 (dùn) which is the word for shield.

矛盾 máodùn has to be one of the most useful words I've learned in Chinese in a while, and it definitely wins the prize for Best Etymology. Obviously, I embellished the story a little, but that is (according to my Chinese teacher) the basic idea of how the word came about. Do we have any words like that in English that have come about because of some kind of historical story/fable? I can't think of any.

The entire country of China is one giant living, breathing contradiction. On a national scale, China is the most curious blend of despotic, Communistic politics and Western, capitalistic economics. Chinese toddlers are bundled up in layers and layers of clothing until they look like little walking marshmallows with heads; yet they have split-bottom pants on, leaving their little rear-ends exposed to the cold. Chinese people will push and shove to get on a bus without a second-thought for the people around them who they just elbowed; yet they'll welcome any guest into their home and put Westerners to shame with their hospitality and generosity. In China it's considered rude and dirty to touch food with your hands; however, it's common to see people picking their noses (maybe that's why they don't touch their food!). At 5 feet 5 inches, I feel like a giant compared to most of my Chinese friends; yet China can produce a 7 and a half foot NBA center. I've always thought I could write a book about China entitled "Contradictions" (or maybe a grad school paper in the future?) Now that I know the interesting history behind the word in Chinese, I'm even more interested in the topic.

Picture of a Chinese Job Fair in Nanjing (borrowed from another China blog)

China might not be be facing as much of an economic crisis as the US is in some areas; however, they are facing an employment crisis. I'm slightly worried about having to look for a job when I get back to the States, but I'm very thankful I'm not a recent Chinese college student looking for a job! I pray that my students can find good jobs. Imagine the frustration of being one of the first from your family or village to attend and graduate from college only to find that the jobs available to you aren't much better than if you didn't have a degree since there are so many college graduates in the Chinese job market.

Here's a link to the original blog where I saw the photo with an article from the Wall St. Journal and the blogger's comments.

Characters with Character

I have Chinese lessons twice a week with Katie and, this semester, we're really enjoying our teacher. Her name is Nong Fei and she's about our age with a fun personality and good teaching style. Nong Fei has a passion for the Chinese language, especially the characters. The more I learn, the more I'm amazed at the complexity, intricacy, and depth of meaning wrapped up in each Chinese character (especially as you learn to break them down into their component parts). Nong Fei likes to tell us folk stories and proverbs in class too which always produces interesting vocabulary and sheds light on many cultural aspects.

I thought I'd share a few words, phrases and sayings that I've learned recently that I thought were funny, insightful, poignant, or especially picturesque. I figure this is a good way to review, too. I hope the Chinese characters show up on your computer!

(I'll write them out characters, pronunciation, literal translation, idiomatic meaning)

找不着北 zhăo bù zháo bĕi = Can't find north = Unable to find direction in life


被炒鱿鱼 bèi chăo yóu yú = Have your squid fried = to get fired


白马王子 bái mă wáng zi = White horse prince = Prince Charming, Mr. Right


旧的不去，新的不来 jiù de bù qǜ, xīn de bù lái = If the old doesn't go, how can the new come? (said as a way of comfort/support when a friend loses something)


种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆　zhòng guā de guā, zhòng dòu de dòu = Plant melon, get melon; plant beans, get beans = You reap what you sow


白眼 bái yăn = the white of the eye = a disdainful look, look down on someone


水蛇腰　shǔi shé yào = water snake waist = a thin waist, hour-glass figure (curvy like a snake is the idea)


水桶 shǔi tǒng = water bucket = pear-shaped figure, overweight (slang, as a joke)


伤脑筋 shàng nǎo jīn = injure one's brain = trying and troublesome


凹凸 āo tū = concave/sunken and convex/protruding (these characters are about a pictographic as you can get . . . They look like Legos to me. Makes me laugh that they're real characters!)


哭 kū = cry (can you see the two empty eye and the tear drop?)

Easter Eggs!

Every year that I've been in China, coloring Easter eggs with students has always been one of the highlights. The kids are always so creative and, without fail, we have a blast. Thanks Carma for the egg dying kits!



A Chinese poem on an Easter egg
This egg had a round crack in it so I decided to try to help it out.